The Practice of Self Forgiveness
The Practice of Self Forgiveness: an interview with Kimberly Bowen by Elinor Svoboda.
Posted on Traininginpower.com on 8/30/24.
What inspired you to create this Meetup workshop on Forgiveness? Why do you think it’s important?
I noticed that I held a lot of grudges against myself. It was like I had a loop of stories about mistakes I’d made, times I’d hurt someone, that would pop up in my mind and make me feel like I was a bad person. I had at least a dozen things I had never forgiven myself for. I am a teacher with Training in Power Academy where our focus is on Love, knowing that we deserve unconditional love and clearing away any blocks from that Love. When I noticed I had this playlist of mistakes that would cycle through me and make me feel bad, I decided to develop a self forgiveness practice so I could be free of them.
I so often hear people being harsh with themselves, and wanted to share this practice with them so they could find self-forgiveness and feel that freedom of knowing they deserve love, no matter what.
What do you think the relationship is between Self Forgiveness and Forgiving others?
If you are harsh with others, you need to look at how you are being harsh with yourself. We all make mistakes, it’s how humans learn. Self First is a focus in Training in Power – first heal yourself, and then your external relationships and situations tend to clear up and reflect your internal clarity.
A lot of times when people are treated harshly by another person, or even abused, they blame themselves for allowing it to happen. I’ve heard people struggle with trying to forgive the person who harmed or betrayed them, but what they are really feeling is shame for letting it happen. They blame themselves for being abused or hurt. We learn this as children, when a parent punishes a child in anger, teaching the child it’s their fault that the parent is angry.
Do you think it’s possible to Forgive those who have hurt us and haven’t shown remorse? Why would we want to?
I think sometimes we get caught up in the idea that we must forgive everyone for everything. That it’s the right thing to do and will make us feel better. But what if someone did something that really hurt me? Why should I let them off the hook? And what about someone who keeps doing the same harmful behavior –betrayal, lying, whatever – over and over, am I supposed to forgive them over and over again? How does that really help me or them?
Maybe forgiveness is over-rated if it makes us believe we have to just get over it. I think that in the push to forgive, we tend to skip the most important step which is to acknowledge our own feelings. Instead of pushing to say “Oh, it’s ok that you hurt me, I forgive you,” I believe it is healthier to acknowledge how hurt you were by the person’s behavior, and really allow yourself to feel those feelings. Really feel how incorrect it was, and know that you deserve to be treated with nothing less than love and respect.
It’s really up to each of us to find our own accountability. I can’t make anyone else find theirs. And so I keep working on forgiving myself for any way that I was not loving to myself or to others.
What is your practice of Self-Forgiveness? How has it impacted your spiritual journey?
I really listen to how I talk to myself. If I hear myself saying anything that makes me feel bad (such as, “that was stupid”) or remembering something I did that makes me feel guilty (like that time when I didn’t bring enough donuts for a party – !?) I notice it and stop. I really try to be as nice to myself as I am to my friends. I ask, “Was that so bad? Can I forgive myself? Does it matter anymore?” I take a couple of deep breaths, and I let it go. I tell myself “It’s OK, it’s OK, it’s OK. I forgive you,” until I feel it release.
Also, when I meditate, I breathe in the Love of the Universe, really fill with that expansive loving light, and tell myself, “You are beloved, just as you are.” I reinforce that every day so I remember it is true. This helps me notice when I do not feel beloved, when I am being harsh with myself, so I realize I have some work to do to get back to feeling Love.
It’s like brushing your teeth, you have to do it every day to keep the negativity from building up!
What can participants expect from the free [Training in Power] Meetup Forgiveness workshop?
I always share a story about how I’ve been working with Forgiveness lately. The best part is the guided meditation that helps you find areas where you need to forgive yourself, and know how beloved you are no matter what. The meditation helps you get closer to that place of unconditional self love, which is our birthright.
We also offer energetic readings to help those who would like some help getting clarity around forgiveness. I love that part because we all learn from each other. It is beautiful, heartfelt work!
In addition to leading White Dragon Kungfu Seattle, Kimberly Bowen is a meditation instructor and spiritual counselor with Training in Power Academy, teaching courses in meditation and energy healing for adults and children. Join a Training in Power Meetups near you to participate in a Forgiveness workshop and other amazing free online courses. Find our more about Kimberly on her [Training in Power] faculty profile.